Doubts

I'm currently re-evaluating my desire to join the Marines. I'm not quitting, and I'm not saying I definitely don't want to, but I am taking a step back and deciding if it's what I really want. I hate running so hard I feel like I can't breathe, and that's what I would have to do to pass the PFT. I hate weight training, and absolutely dreaded every morning I had to go to PT. I mean, I didn't want to go so bad that I had trouble sleeping at night. The PFC I PTed with is gone (I think), so I don't have to go anymore. I weighed myself on their scale the last time I was there, and apparently my scale is 8 pounds off, so I have 17 pounds to lose instead of 9, which sucks.

I'm also really tired of not being able to have stuff. I don't have a couch or table or any other typical household items because I would have to cart it all back to NY or sell it when I shipped out. And that really sucks, too. I have a two-bedroom apartment with fairly large bedrooms and a decent-sized living room, but they're pratically empty. I can't have people over because I have no place for them to sit.

I also haven't talked to my recruiter for a week or two. He called the Friday after the ASVAB was cancelled to say he would be out the following week, but I haven't heard from him since. I'm not sure I want to. He's a nice guy and I don't fault him at all, but I just don't feel the pull anymore. When I was sitting at the recruiters' office waiting for things, I always felt like I was sitting at the doctor's office. I didn't think, "Yeah, this is where I'm supposed to be!"

I've been pushing so hard toward this goal, I think I burned myself out. So I'm going to take a step back, re-evaluate my options, and decide what I really want to do with my life. I have a good job right now and make decent money (about 9k more than I'd make as an E-2). I technically have another year, so I don't need to stress about it yet. I still have plenty of time to make a decision.