Being Honest

I've been stuck in this slump for a month, and I think I've figured out why. I hate to admit it, but I think it's because I'm scared. I'm scared to talk to a recruiter. I'm afraid they'll tell me I don't have what it takes. I'm still overweight; I can run three miles, but not very fast; I can't do many real push-ups. Even after all the work I've done since September, I still don't think I have what it takes to be a Marine. Don't get me wrong, I want to be a Marine. I just don't think I'm good enough to be one. I see Marines on TV and in movies, and I talk to them on forums, and I'm afraid I'm not good enough to be one of them. What if I get in, get to Boot Camp, then fail miserably? I know I can pass all the knowledge tests, but can I do the physical stuff? I like to think so, but I don't know so. I'm a weakling. I always have been. I tend to fail at most things I try. And I really don't want to fail at this. This is the one thing I want to succeed at, but I'm scared to do so. I think I fail because I convince myself I'm going to. I think I've had it in the back of my head this entire time that I'm not good enough to do it and that I'm not going to succeed. I'm defeating myself. But I can do this. I will do this. I have no other option. I won't be happy doing anything else. I'm meant to be a Marine; I need to be a Marine.